leaves of grass

whoever you are holding me now in hand,
without one thing all will be useless
I give you fair warning before you attempt me further,
I am not what you supposed, but far different.
who is he that would become my follower?
who would sign himself a candidate for my affections?
the way is suspicious, the result uncertain, perhaps destructive.
you would have to give up all else,
I alone would expect to be your sole and exclusive standard,
your novitiate would even then be long and exhausting,
the whole past theory of your life and all conformity to the
lives around you have to be abandoned
therefore release me now before troubling yourself any further
let go your hand from my shoulder,
put me down and depart on your way…

Walt Whitman


Logan’s Surname

At  complete loss for words after receiving this...

Please may I ask for a letter from you stating that you give me permission to change Logan’s surname to mine.
I made a very big mistake by thinking I was doing the right thing and I was horribly wrong.
I will still never deny you as her father but I do not want her growing up confused by her surname etc. (How on earth would Logan grow up confused abut her surname if I was allowed to be apart of her life???)
This is not to cause a fight or an argument.
What kind of reaction are you expecting then Chantelle? Ask any other man on this planet how they would feel hearing something like this?? This to you might be a trivial discussion but to me its a lot more serious. Logan having my surname is the only thing connecting me to my daughter. You have done an extremely good job of disconnecting us and have in the interim also tarnished any hope of a relationship between Logan and her other family. You have also managed to dig right to the bottom of your nasty heart and advertised the fact that Logan is better off without me/ us.
Chantelle again, enjoy and cherish all of these moments because ‘that’ day will arrive, the day your daughter looks you in the eyes and asks about her Daddy? (knowing you, you have probably thought up some kind of story already) 
If she were to ever ask me about what happened, my reply would be something along the lines of;
‘The reason I missed out on so much of your life Logan was because I was not married or living with your Mom at anytime during her pregnancy and therefor have no rights as your ‘real (biological) father’. (this was the contents of an email I received on the 26th November 2015) Apparently this is the actual reason for me being ignored completely as your father over the last year. I really did try my best to be apart of your life but there too we ran into some problems…apparently I was not paying enough maintenance??? I was also told in en email (received on the 26th November 2015) that I am a complete embarrassment to you and your Mom and that I should rather not make contact with your daycare (All I wanted to do was introduce myself as your father.) – just for the record Chantelle, this really hurt..
I promise you my daughter I tried with  everything I had but it was of no use because you Mom will never let go and allow me to be your Dad. 

Our daughter’s future is a big joke!

After ‘another’ heated discussion via email regarding her daycare whereabouts and access this was posted.

Chantelle it shocks me that our daughters future is a big joke to you and the more difficult you make it for me too see her the happier you are??

You need some serious counselling lady…

FYI. Just remember that Logan will have the ability to READ in the future.

Untitled 1

As expected

So it’s been almost two weeks since my post regarding the documents I requested from my daughters mother Chantelle Abrams and still nothing has happened. The same half-hearted shit I have received from her since the day we met. If it’s not about money, her asocial circle or anything else beneficial to her she just couldn’t give a stuff.

She sent me a short and snotty email with a copy of the birth certificate attached which I already have and she knows this, just another stalling tactic or the 3o minutes it would take to do this is obviously a big ask! Chantelle the sooner you realize that this is for the well-being of Logan the better, you selfish ways won’t pay her university fund one day and I can assure you that your out of credits when it comes to applying for ANOTHER loan.

I still to date do not have any idea where my daughter spends her days while mommy is at work…I have sent email after email requesting detail on this and I get ignored, it’s quite obvious that something is being hidden again!

Chantelle, I am tired of your selfish narcissistic ways and actually couldn’t be bothered discussing my daughters future and well-being with you any longer. You are clearly too consumed in your own personal life that you don’t have the time to think about Logan’s future…

Another obstacle I am tired of dealing with is your home-wrecker of a mother. She failed to put together the pieces of her own broken, dysfunctional life and now feels the need to destroy the future of other people’s lives. We also both know that she is the ‘little-puppet master’ behind all of this because you are incapable of making your own decisions.

I am therefore leaving this in the capable hands of the law who will enforce my rights. Who the hell do you think you playing around with the law like its something you wrote! And WHO THE HELL do you think you are making decisions regarding my/ our daughters future behind my back????

And then lastly to Marietta and Nicky…the only two people capable of controlling Chantelle incapable mind. I have no doubt that the two of you have a huge role to play in all of this….

Nicky, let go of your resentment and focus on your own life. My daughter future is at stake and your opinions are one of the factors behind this. Your advice would have been substantial if you had grown up without a father figure in your life. You clearly have no idea what the long-term effects are – I DO!

Marietta, Logan’s only granny to date…As far as I am concerned you are the biggest factor behind this. Let me start with this; ‘there is NO changing the mind of a person who is capable of hating another without even knowing them. Your ways are clearly the result of your history and hatred towards men. I will make it my life’s mission to have you where you belong in Logan’s life. You are a ‘GRANDPARENT’ to my Daughter and that’s as far as it goes. (and I will give you credit on being a good grandparent too) NO ONE has promoted you to ‘PARENT’ and especially not ‘FATHER’. You also DO NOT have a say when it comes to decisions  effecting my daughters life. (you will however always have an influence through Chantelle, there is unfortunately no stopping this) Please consider Logan and her future before you carry on brainwashing your daughter as you have always done. You of all people should know what the results of Logan’s future will be if things carry on the way they do.

Sneaky 007 Mom!!!!

So you have done this three times before Chantelle+A. You make a huge mess of people’s lives then you run and hide, scared to confront the problem. The only difference this time around is you are running with my daughter, and it’s against the law. Today you confirmed exactly who you are and what you are about…You have actually gone to the extreme by planning a way to hide my daughter’s whereabouts from me.  So you get home, quickly exchange cars with your Mom,  then scramble out of another entrance to go and pick Logan up from daycare. Who in their right minds go’s to such lengths to hide a father (a willing, comited father) from his daughter??? This is another example of the extreme paranoia you seem to really suffer from, its sick, its dysfunctional Chantelle.  Just to put your little paranoid mind at ease Chantelle, the same paranoid mind that thinks little devious schemes up like this and the same paranoid mind that forces you to visit this blog 80 times a day, the same paranoid mind that forced your ex boyfriend to move out of a place you were uncomfortable with a month into his 12 month lease. The same paranoid mind that caused you to think i was with other woman while you were pregnant and the same paranoid mind that convinced you that i was out to kidnap ‘OUR’ daughter…

I have far better things to do than follow you around your really shitty neighbourhood and even if i did choose to spend my time doing so it’s only because you choose to illegally withhold information pertaining to my daughter from me. Every father has a right to know where and with whom his daughter spends everyday of the week with.

I have asked you on numerous occasions to furnish me with a visitation schedule, you point-blank refuse to even respond. Then you have the nerve to run around telling people who you have never blocked me from seeing my daughter….you are NOT EVEN MAKING IT POSSIBLE! 

I have on more than five occasions requested a certified copy of ‘OUR’ daughters birth certificate. I need this document to open a savings account for her, to put her onto my will and to add her as a beneficiary on my life policies. The same document is needed to start a study fund for her which I obviously can’t do either. It would take you at the most 30 minutes Chantelle to go to the nearest police station and get them to stamp the copy…obviously don’t have time for this either.

The reason I have posted this publicly is because it’s the only way of communicating with you, you obviously feel the need to block me on Whatsapp again and my SMS messages don’t do through.  You also fail to respond to any emails relating to the above requests.

When are you actually going to get it Chantelle, you can’t run for the rest of your life. I can assure you that I am not removing myself (a wish you have repeatedly shared with friends) from my daughter’s life. She is still too young to understand now, this wont last for much longer so best you pull yourself towards yourself, put your big girl panties on and deal with a situation we both screwed up. Running and blaming won’t pave a bright path to our daughters future.

Please wake up, send me the above information…and stop being so sneaky, flip!!!!

https://www. facebook .com / chantelle . abrams